Session 1243 - Autodromo Di Pergusa, Italy

February 28, 2010 01:13am

Race

Quick Stats

Track Length: 4.967 km
Most Distance Covered: 20 laps, 99.340 km
Simulator Used: GTR2

Race report: Pergusa Heat: How Did Lotus F1 Scrape a Lonely P4?

Why does anyone expect clinical precision from a garage that uses insulating tape to hold its coffee machine together? Lotus F1 Team arrived at Autodromo di Pergusa with high hopes, twenty laps of sun-baked Sicilian asphalt ahead, and a Lister Storm that sounded suspiciously like a blender full of bolts. When the dust finally settled across the Sicilian plains, Philipp Peter had sailed away to victory in his JMB Racing Ferrari 550 Maranello with a total racetime of 0:31:55.883, leaving our brave duudes to scavenge whatever crumbs were left on the timing monitors. Fourth place for Fernando Horta across twenty hard-fought laps sounds respectable on paper, until you realise the sheer psychological toll required to wrestle a British GT1 sledgehammer around a Sicilian lake without ending up in a vineyard.

Fernando Horta (Driver): Look, twenty laps around Pergusa is less of a motor race and more of a hostage negotiation with physics. The car felt like it was designed by committee and built by people who had never seen an internal combustion engine. Every time I tried to lean on the brakes, the pedal gave me this passive-aggressive squish that said 'are you quite sure about this, mate?' We brought home fourth place in GT1, which means we beat eighteen other cars and somehow finished thirty-five seconds behind Philipp Peter. How do you lose thirty-five seconds over twenty laps? Simple: you spend half the race arguing with your own dashboard instruments and the other half wondering why the Lister smells faintly of burnt toast. Still, we finished. That puts us one step ahead of Rubens Barrichello and Mike Hezemans, who apparently decided that parking their cars in the gravel trap was a valid lifestyle choice.

Hugh Laurie (Team Principal): People lie. They lie about tyre degradation, they lie about setup windows, and they occasionally look you dead in the eye and claim a fourth-place finish is a step forward. It isn't. It is merely a more elaborately decorated failure. We came here to win, not to tour the Sicilian countryside at a leisurely pace while admiring the local flora. If Mr Horta spent half as much time concentrating on his apexes as he does staring blankly at his steering wheel, we might actually give the Ferraris something to worry about. Until then, back to work.

Crew Radio (Lap 12):
#01 Pit Wall: Fernando, what's your tyre status? You're losing two tenths a sector.
#01 Fernando: The tyres are fine, but I'm pretty sure a lizard just crawled into the airbox.
#01 Pit Wall: Is it a fast lizard?
#01 Fernando: Not fast enough to catch Philipp Peter, I can tell you that much.

Ps. Dave, where are you?! We want you back for the next race, primarily because nobody else knows how to reset the timing screens without kicking them.

Disclaimer: This is a fictional, satirical report of a offline race against AI-driven opponents. All characters are fictional. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Classification

Position	Class	Driver	Team	Car	Laps	Gap	Best Lap
1	GT1	PHILIPP PETER	JMB RACING	FERRARI 550 MARANELLO	20	0:31:55.883	1:31.373
2	GT1	ANDREA PICCINI	LISTER RACING	LISTER STORM	20	+ 19.045	1:31.521
3	GT1	THOMAS BIAGI	BMS SCUDERIA ITALIA	FERRARI 550 MARANELLO	20	+ 22.608	1:31.723
4	GT1	FERNANDO HORTA	LOTUS F1 TEAM	LISTER STORM	20	+ 35.001	1:34.141
5	GT1	LILIAN BRYNER	CARE RACING	FERRARI 550 MARANELLO	20	+ 37.804	1:33.607
6	GT1	PEPLEPEP	PAUL BELMONDO RACING	CHRYSLER VIPER GTS-R	20	+ 41.099	1:32.524
7	GT1	FRANZ KONRAD	KONRAD MOTORSPORT	SALEEN S7-R	20	+ 42.975	1:32.765
8	GT1	PEDRO CHAVES	GRAHAM NASH MOTORSPORT	SALEEN S7-R	20	+ 44.166	1:32.918
9	GT1	FABRIZIO GOLLIN	BMS SCUDERIA ITALIA	FERRARI 550 MARANELLO	20	+ 52.145	1:35.490
10	GT1	BOBBY VERDON-ROE	CREATION AUTOSPORTIF	LISTER STORM	20	+ 01:01.930	1:33.857
11	GT1	SHAKOV	USSR LOTUS F1 TEAM	SALEEN S7-R	20	+ 01:02.306	1:34.349
12	GT1	BORIS DERICHEBOURG	JMB RACING	FERRARI 550 MARANELLO	19	+ 1 LAP	1:32.819
1	GT2	ANDREA BERTOLINI	JMB RACING	FERRARI 360 MODENA	19	+ 1 LAP	1:37.274
2	GT2	NIKOLAJ FOMENKO	RWS MOTORSPORT	PORSCHE GT3-RS	19	+ 1 LAP	1:35.656
3	GT2	KYLE LOVECRAFT	COKE RACING	FERRARI 360 MODENA	19	+ 1 LAP	1:38.182
4	GT2	ANDRZEJ DZIURKA	TEXACO	PORSCHE GT3-RS	19	+ 1 LAP	1:37.618
5	GT2	GODFREY JONES	TEAM EUROTECH	PORSCHE GT3-RS	19	+ 1 LAP	1:38.863
6	GT2	JAMIE DAVIES	TEAM MARANELLO CONCESSIONAIRES	FERRARI 360 MODENA	19	+ 1 LAP	1:38.051
7	GT2	MARC LIEB	FREISINGER MOTORSPORT	PORSCHE GT3-RS	19	+ 1 LAP	1:38.471
8	GT2	MIKE JORDAN	TEAM EUROTECH	PORSCHE GT3-RS	19	+ 1 LAP	1:39.759
9	GT2	DANIEL HERRERO	DHRC	FERRARI 360 MODENA	19	+ 1 LAP	1:34.225
10	GT2	EMMANUEL COLLARD	EMKA RACING	PORSCHE GT3-RS	18	+ 2 LAPS	1:38.510
11	GT2	TIM MULLEN	TEAM MARANELLO CONCESSIONAIRES	FERRARI 360 MODENA	6	DNF	1:37.500
13	GT1	RUBENS BARRICHELLO	BRAWN GP	FERRARI 550 MARANELLO	4	DNF	1:34.030
12	GT2	JOHN SMITH	ENERGIZER RACING	FERRARI 360 MODENA	4	DNF	1:39.789
14	GT1	MIKE HEZEMANS	FORCE ONE FESTINA	CHRYSLER VIPER GTS-R	3	DNF	1:41.414
15	GT1	PHILIPPE ALLIOT	FORCE ONE FESTINA	CHRYSLER VIPER GTS-R	3	DNF	1:41.650
13	GT2	TOMAS ENGE	MENX	FERRARI 360 MODENA	2	DNF	1:48.394
16	GT1	JAMIE CAMPBELL-WALTER	LISTER RACING	LISTER STORM	1	DNF	1:42.633